To quote Red Forman from That 70s Show…. “Work is work. You don’t show up late, you don’t make excuses, and you don’t not work. If it wasn’t “work,” they wouldn’t call it work. They’d call it “super-wonderful, crazy-fun time!” Or “Skippedydoo!”
I have been working hard over the last couple weeks to change my way of doing things. Or add the next layer of change to my life. And I can tell you work is hard and change is hard. Peeling off the next layer of the Al-Anon onion is hard.
But then again, not changing was hard. Continuing to repeat the same mistakes is hard. Continuing to fail at my own wishes and dreams was hard. Continuing the insanity of not changing was hard. At least, this time when I succeed (I almost typed if and not when). When I succeed I will have the opportunity to feel a sense of accomplishment. And I have experienced that positive feeling this week. I made a serious effort to do several things someone else’s way and not my way. It’s been an emotional roller coaster of old thoughts versus new actions.
Unfortunately, the positive feeling I experienced didn’t last as long as I had hoped. The problem I am struggling with this week is that it hasn’t been immediately recognized and validated as such. I didn’t get immediate gratification from this person. So then my fears creep back in to my stinking thinking. Did I do too little too late? What if I never get the approval I am seeking?
Oh boy. Stop me now. Wasn’t it just days ago when I said, “Have you ever watched or read an interview where they asked the hero of the story, why did you do it and the reply came back …if I can only help one person then it was worth it? Why don’t we realize that by changing ourselves we are already helping one person? Ourselves. My happiness is worth it. My forward progress is worth it. I’m worth it. I will never tell you changing will be easy, but I will always tell you it’s worth it.”
And wasn’t it also just days ago I said, “The stinking thinking I indulge in over and over becomes what I believe in my heart and mind and eventually what I become. The life, the situation I make for myself. If I continue to think I am not valuable, I am not valuable.”
And wasn’t it just last week when I said, “If I had just stopped _____, if I had just got a _____, if I would just do, if I could just see, if I would have put myself first, if I believed I could, if I believed I was smart enough and told myself I was lovable – I would have been happier!”
Ugh. Why do I continue to look outside myself for validation? Ok, I know why. We all know why. But it appears now I need to add that to the list of things I need to change. I made a serious effort to do several things someone else’s way and not my way. I made progress. I did not achieve perfection, but I made progress. I also felt a day of pride and satisfaction in that effort. I will not allow the perceived thoughts or lack of action of others to impede my progress.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Just for today. Just for this moment I will not give consent.
If my Sponsor were to ask me right now … “How’s that working for you?” I’d say Skippedydoo!